I've wanted to write this post for a really long time but just had not gotten around to it. See, I just think "forgiveness" is something so many of us (maybe every single one of us) struggle with daily.
When I say "forgiveness," I'm not just referring to forgiving others for doing wrong towards you. I'm also talking about forgiving yourself. People need to forgive themselves for all sorts of things. Many times, they need to forgive themselves for things they are not even accountable for, baggage they carry for others, guilt they hold onto.
People, listen. Life is too short to be at war with yourself or anyone else.
It doesn't matter what you've done. It doesn't matter what you think you may have done. It doesn't even matter what someone did, to you. What matters is how it has changed you. How it made you better. Wiser. Kinder. Stronger. You will never. Never. Be able to control those around you. You can't make them forgive you. But, you CAN... forgive yourself. And you CAN. forgive them. You CAN EVEN be happy again.
I carried the burden of being infertile around for waaaaay too long. I carried around guilt. I felt so sorry for my husband. How could he ever be happy being married to me when I could not carry a child? I was literally crumbling under the weight of the burden I carried... until one day, I just got it. I. Am. Human. I'm not perfect. I was never promised perfection in this life, but I was promised forgiveness.
ALL. Of us. Were promised that. And not that I needed to be forgiven by anyone or anything... But I needed to forgive myself for my broken-ness. I needed to let go of the hate. Hate is heavy. And what's funny, is how I never realized how heavy it all was, until I let it all go...
I hope you can too. I hope you can forgive those that have hurt you and move along- wish them well. Let lessons be learned, but no bridges burned. I hope you can forgive yourself for the things you've done and for the person you are. I hope you can own your life and live it. I hope you won't let the things you carry stop you or weigh you down. Because life. is short. LIve it.
So even though this has been a hard week for me, one thing I have been joyfully celebrating is my newfound perfect vision. 6 days ago I had custom lasik eye surgery at Woolfson Eye Institute in Sandy Springs, GA.
You guys... NO. Seriously. It is THE. GREATEST. THING. EVER. I have had glasses since the fourth grade. At first I only needed them to see the board at school, but by 25 I could not drive without them. My eyes are crazy eyes too. One is super near sighted and the other is far sighted. So my depth perception, menu reading, and eyebrow plucking skills suffered greatly for many years y'all.
I thought about doing this alllllllllllllllllll the time, but I was so nervous. I mean, it is your EYES for goodness sake. You don't just go into eye surgery with bells on if you know what I mean. But after planning for it and sticking 4k in the flex spending account this year. I knew it was now or never.
My eye doctor told me that the only person she would trust to do my crazy eyes was Doctor Woolfson at the Woolfson Eye Institute. Apparently he was a pioneer in lasik eye surgery and is recognized world-wide for his developments in lasik. He has performed over 90,ooo lasik procedures. So, I went right to him. Only the best for these crazy eyes.
They were able to fit me in within 2 weeks for my consult appointment, which took 2 hours because they got my exact prescription, did a full eye exam with dilation, and scheduled surgery with me for a week later. I could not believe how fast it all moved.
I arrived on surgery day (Friday) with my mama. The hubbs stayed home with our daughter. I had to take one last selfie with my mama in the old glasses. We spent about exactly 3 hours there. First they re-checked my prescription, then they went over after-care instructions, performed surgery, re-checked my eyes afterwards, and sent me home.
I was so nervous that I was literally trembling. But it's not so bad. I'm going to walk you through it- in case you are interested.
A group of 6 patients gathers in the pre-op holding room and we are given surgical hats, booties, and a forehead sticker that represents which laser will be used for my eyes. We are briefed by a nurse on how to care for our eyes after surgery and then Dr. Woolfson comes in and answers any questions we might have. We did not take anything to calm or sedate us, so we were all feeling a bit on edge, but numbing drops are put into our eyes as we wait.
We are called in one by one. Each person takes 5-10 minutes.
Once I was called in, I was feeling incredibly anxious. Thankfully, the doctor is funny and reassuring. Rock music is playing in the background and I am pleasantly surprised and somewhat relieved by this. He quickly puts me at ease and talks me through everything step-by-step.
First, I lay back on a dentist-type chair and my mom is invited in to watch my surgery. One eye lid is pried open with a speculum of sorts (this is honestly the worst part and it is not even that bad, just uncomfortable). Next, a big machine is lowered down over one eye and I am told to look at the red light and not move. Another voice calls out which eye (left eye) and my exact prescription. Then they said something like,"ready aim fire," and a machiney-type noise blares loudly. The red light then turns into these colored sparkles- much like the tail-end of a fading firework in the sky, and then everything goes gray to total blackout... and then the red light is back. This time more clear than before and the loud noise has stopped.
Now the doctor is using what looks like a mini spatula, and he is stroking it across my eye to straighten out my lens and avoid wrinkling. It is a very odd sensation because your eye is numb, but you see it happening. It feels like someone cleaning my glasses as I am wearing them. Then, the same steps are repeated on my second eye.
Next, I sit up and the nurse helps me put on my snazzy protective sunglasses. She points out the clock across the room on the wall and I can see it!!! Clearly!!!! We take a selfie with the doctor and my mom and then I'm off to a post-surgery waiting room for less than 5 minutes.
Next, I am called in by an eye doctor who checks my vision and the "flaps" created by the surgery as well as looks for wrinkling. He approves of them and I am sent home.
As we drive home, I feel a bit sensitive to the light, but I can already see well. I have a sensation that I might have a hair or small grain of sand in my eyes. I have the urge to just gently close my eyes on the car ride home. Thankfully this sensation lasts only about 4 hours- and for almost all of that time, I am sleeping.
Once we are home, I eat lunch and take the half pill sleeping medication the doctor prescribed and I take a nice long 4 hour nap. I then wake up and take my first dose of eye drops (2 in each eye 4 times daily). And I relax the rest of the day. I eat dinner later and at night I take the other half of the sleeping medication and I sleep soundly through the whole night.
I have been instructed to wear my taped on "bug eyes" at night, and my protective sunglasses during the day for 4 days. I can shower after 48 hours with my back to the water, no make up (excuse all my no-makeup pics) or face cream for 7 days. I am considered totally healed by 7 days.
My eyes are a bit light sensitive for the first 5 days, but nothing outrageous. I am now cleared to return to all normal activities like swimming, sweating, makeup, rubbing my eyes.. all the normal stuff.